I’m thrilled that Fast Five cuts the wobbly title The Fast and the Furious 5: Rio Heist down to the franchise’s purest essence. TFATF:RH is so cumbersome. So baroque. But Fast Five? That sounds like a bad-ass Chili’s appetizer platter or a failed Robin Antin burlesque troupe. Excellence! In a tube top! With a side of southwestern eggrolls! Perfection. Before you and your nitrous-huffing buddies head out to watch Vin Diesel steer more Popsicle-colored cars, revisit the movie that started it all: the definitively bad, the delicious trashy The Fast and the Furious.
I’m about to review The Fast and the Furious’s plot, so I hope you have .07 seconds to spare. LAPD officer Brian O’Conner (Paul Walker) is sent undercover to bust well-known street racer Dom Toretto (Vin Diesel) and his crew of ride-pimpers, including Dom’s girlfriend Letty (Michelle Rodriguez). Unfortunately, Brian enjoys DRIVIN DA CARZ, and he ends up competing against Dom in a drag race and soon helping him flee from the cops. They get along well! These alpha heroes from opposite sides of the tracks!
Here’s a delicate lotus named Paul Walker. You’ll notice he’s everything that Ryan Phillippe is afraid to become: rugged, real, and yellow-blond. None of this platinum Dietrich nonsense. None of this Cruel Intentions frost. When it comes to big-screen stupidity, Mr. Walker commits like no one I’ve seen since Judy Holliday. Take this amazing scene where Walker starts a fight with one of Vin’s cronies over the deliciousness of tuna.
I want to make sure I understand the line, “Get yourself a double cheese and fries for $2.99, f*ggot.” Tuna is heterosexual food? Burgers are for fairies? What is a “double…
Source: http://www.celebrities.com/celebrities-gossip/bad-movies-we-love-the-fast-and-the-furious/
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